The Myth of Seeking Happiness: Why Emotions Aren’t Meant to Last
We live in a culture obsessed with happiness. From Instagram mantras to self-help books, we’re constantly told to “choose happiness,” as though it’s a destination we can reach and remain in. But what if the pursuit of happiness is not only misguided but fundamentally misunderstands what emotions are meant for?
Emotions Are Feedback, Not Goals
Emotions are not designed to be permanent states. Psychologists and evolutionary scientists agree that emotions serve as internal regulators – feedback mechanisms that assist us in navigating the world. Much like a thermostat adjusting to changes in temperature, emotions direct our behaviour towards what is meaningful or necessary for survival and reproduction – or, in broader terms, our social and organismic success (SO & SP).
When you achieve something significant – a promotion, a personal milestone, or a romantic connection – you feel a surge of joy. But it diminishes. This isn’t a flaw in your brain’s wiring. It’s a feature. The emotion has fulfilled its role: it motivated you, reinforced your behaviour, and now it steps aside.
Imagine if happiness lingered indefinitely after a single success. There would be no incentive to strive further or adapt to new challenges. Emotions must be fleeting because life is dynamic. Sustained happiness would be biologically counterproductive.
Real-Life Examples
Take falling in love – that exhilarating mix of excitement and joy. Evolutionarily, it serves as a powerful motivator for bonding and reproduction. However, no couple remains in the “honeymoon phase” forever. Emotions adapt to foster deeper attachment or, if incompatible, lead to separation. Likewise, the pleasure from purchasing something new – a phone, a car, or even a home – eventually fades. That’s hedonic adaptation at play, your internal regulator nudging you forward.
Even negative emotions serve a purpose. Anxiety alerts us to potential threats. Sadness signifies loss, prompting reflection. Anger highlights injustice and can drive change. They’re uncomfortable but essential. Suppressing or bypassing them in favour of “staying happy” undermines our ability to respond to the world effectively.
The Problem with Chasing Happiness
The modern pursuit of happiness often turns it into a consumer product. However, happiness is not an object you can obtain or a state you can sustain indefinitely. Treating it as such leads to disillusionment and a cycle of dissatisfaction – always reaching, never arriving.
What we truly need is emotional agility – the ability to recognise, use, and regulate emotions constructively. Instead of chasing happiness, we should listen to what our emotions are telling us.
Shift the Goal: From Happiness to Biogenic Success
Instead of making happiness the goal, we should focus on something more sustainable: biogenic success. This involves aligning our lives with the fundamental biological systems that govern wellbeing – organisation, production, regulation, and decentralisation.
Organisation: Are your life structures supporting your values and goals?
Production: Are you contributing or creating in a way that feels meaningful?
Regulation: Can you manage stress, adapt to change, and recover from setbacks?
Decentralisation: Are you embedded in a healthy network, not overly reliant on one domain (e.g., work, romance, social media) for identity or satisfaction?
Biogenic success doesn’t guarantee constant happiness, but it fosters resilience and purpose. It’s about constructing a life that functions – both structurally and psychologically – even when things don’t feel great. Because frequently, they won’t.
Final Thoughts
Happiness is not a destination; it’s a signal – temporary, useful, and incomplete. The real myth lies not just in chasing happiness but in believing that we’re meant to feel it all the time.
Let’s stop asking, “Am I happy?” and start asking, “Is my life aligned with something deeper?” Emotions will come and go, as they should. How we respond is what defines our wellbeing.