Fear — the smoke alarm

At a glance

  • What it’s saying: “Careful — danger nearby.”

  • What it wants: Keep you alive. Get you out of harm’s way.

  • Use it well: Check the risk, act if needed, stand down if safe.

  • Watch-outs: Freezing when you need to move, or avoiding so much your world shrinks.

What fear is (in plain English)

Fear is your built-in safety system. It kicks in when something looks, sounds or feels dangerous — a snake on the path, a car swerving, a stranger shouting, a memory that still feels too close. It can be a quick jolt, a full-body surge, or a lock-up where you can’t think straight.

It’s not the same as anxiety (which is more about what might happen later) or panic (a sudden spike that feels like you’re dying). Naming the right one helps you do the right thing.

Fear — Biogenic lens

Primary domain: Self-Correction.

In the triad: Fear is mainly for Self-Correction—it spots danger and changes behaviour to prevent damage. It also supplies short-term fuel to move (Self-Production) and can reshape plans and roles when conditions aren’t safe (Self-Organisation).

What it’s optimising

Self-Production: A quick jolt so you can step back, slow down, or get out. Fine in bursts; draining if the alarm never switches off—sort sleep, food and pain so the system isn’t jumpy.
Self-Organisation: Change the plan or how you share the load: pick a safer route, go with a mate, use daylight, carry the right kit. Sometimes the right call is “not like this, not now.”
Self-Correction: Cut real risk with simple habits—seatbelts, passwords, condoms, helmets, checklists. Practise the scary-but-safe stuff in steps; write an if/then for the worst reasonable case.

How it feels in the body

Heart racing, fast breathing, tight chest or throat, butterflies, sweaty palms, shaky legs, tunnel vision, urge to bolt or freeze. These are normal settings. They don’t mean you’re weak. They mean your body wants you safe.

Common triggers & what they’re really about

  • Immediate threat: dogs, heights, needles, crowds → a need to protect your body.

  • Social threat: public speaking, tough conversations, saying no → a need to protect status and belonging.

  • Old injuries: reminders of past harm → a need for safety and gentle repair.

  • Uncertainty: new jobs, new cities, medical tests → a need for a plan and some support.

Tiredness, hunger, pain and alcohol lower your fear threshold. On a rough day, everything looks riskier.

Look-alikes (so you don’t treat the wrong thing)

  • Anxiety: fear’s future-thinking cousin. If it’s mostly “what if…”, you’re in anxiety land.

  • Panic: a sudden surge that peaks fast. Feels deadly, isn’t. Ride it like a wave.

  • Disgust: a “get it away from me” feeling, but about contamination rather than danger.

  • Anger over fear: some people go hard and loud when they’re actually scared. If your “toughness” arrives with a pounding heart, check for fear underneath.

How people have explained fear (very briefly)

One view says fear is a built-in survival program. Another says it’s about how we read a situation: if we judge it as dangerous and uncontrollable, we feel fear. A third says we build “fear” from body signals plus stories and culture. You don’t have to pick a camp. The practical move is the same: spot it, check it, choose.

A clip that shows it well

Free Solo (Alex Honnold climbing without ropes). Whatever you think of the risk, it’s a masterclass in fear calibration — prepare, test, commit, back off when it’s wrong. Watch with this question: “What’s the real risk here, and what’s the plan?”

(Alt: Harry Potter “boggart” lesson — name the fear, change how you face it.)

Try this when fear hits

The 60-second safety check

  1. Look for real danger. If there’s a real threat, move (step back, leave, call for help).

  2. If you are safe right now, say it: “I’m safe in this moment.”

  3. Plant your feet. Feel the ground. Long exhale (in 4, out 6) for a minute.

  4. Name it: “This is fear.” (Names tame.)

The 10-minute “risk tidy”

On paper, four short lines:

  • What set it off? (facts)

  • What’s the actual risk? (best guess, not a novel)

  • What action reduces that risk? (one step)

  • If/then: “If X happens, then I’ll do Y.” (small, clear)

The daily rep (shrink fear kindly)

Make a fear ladder: 5–7 steps from easiest to hardest. Do the easiest step often until it’s boring, then go up one rung.

  • Hate lifts? Stand near one, then step in and step out, then one floor, and so on.

  • Scared of phone calls? Dial a friendly one, then a shop, then a clinic.

Small, repeated, and kind beats heroic and once.

Using fear without making a mess

With yourself

  • Check the basics first: sleep, food, pain, booze. Low fuel makes big fear.

  • Keep your world larger than your fear: avoid the truly risky stuff; approach the safe but scary stuff in steps.

  • Borrow courage: go with a mate, take a class, use a script.

With family and friends

  • Don’t tease or dismiss someone’s fear. Help them grade it and take one step.

  • For kids: model calm, name the fear, practice tiny exposures, celebrate effort not bravery.

  • If a partner’s fear shapes both your lives, agree on a plan you both own.

At work

  • Prepare > panic: run the drill (presentation, conversation, procedure).

  • Use “I’m a bit nervous and that’s okay” — telling the truth often drops fear by half.

  • Big moments? Have a simple backup (“If I blank, I’ll check my notes.”)

In public life

  • Fear sells. News and socials know this. Limit your diet. Balance it with facts, local action and time outside.

Myths to retire

  • “Feeling fear means I’m weak.” No — it means your alarm works.

  • “If I avoid it, the fear will go.” It usually grows. Gentle approach works better.

  • “I must be 100% calm before I act.” You can act well with some fear on board.

Keep a simple eye on it (two-minute log)

  • Trigger: what set it off?

  • How strong? (0–10)

  • Real risk or felt risk? (tick one)

  • Action I took: (left / paused / approached / asked for help)

  • Result: (fear down/up; world smaller/bigger)

You’ll spot patterns quickly. Then you can tune your plan.

When to worry (and what to do)

  • Panic attacks are frequent or you’re scared of having one.

  • You’re avoiding so much that your life is shrinking.

  • Fear is tied to trauma and you’re getting flashbacks or going numb.

  • You’re using alcohol or drugs to cope.

If that’s you: talk to your GP, a counsellor, or a psychologist. If you’re at risk of harm, go to Emergency or call 000. Help works best when you get in early.

A short story

Tash skips lifts after getting stuck once. Months later she’s walking up nine floors to meetings and turning down jobs on higher levels. She’s over it, but the thought of a lift makes her sweat.

She makes a ladder. Week 1: stand near the lift with a friend, watch doors open and close. Week 2: step in, step out. Week 3: one floor up, then stairs down. Week 4: two floors. Week 6: solo to level three. It’s not love, but it’s no longer running her life. She keeps a spare plan: “If it stalls, I’ll press the button, breathe, and call the number.” Small steps, big freedom.

Wrap-up

Fear is your smoke alarm. Listen to it, check the kitchen, and either put the fire out or open a window and turn the alarm off. Don’t smash it with a broom.